Worst Performances

1st	ST. JOSEPHS	8	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	20th October 1991
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Intermediate Cup First Round Match at Flamstead End Playing Fields, Cheshunt
This was undoubtedly our worst-ever performance in the Mercury Waltham League, as St. Josephs had failed to win a match for over a year and were fielding several ungainly-looking individuals, whereas we had a supposedly strong side out with two good substitutes. This was the first time we had ever attempted to play a 3-5-2 formation and it went badly wrong with virtually everybody having a complete 'mare', especially 'right wing-back' Terry Clark, who was given 4 out of 10 for continually slicing the ball off and straight at the camera...as seen on the 'famous' Club Out-Takes video !

2nd	EDMONTON ROVERS	1	NEW RIVERSIDE	4	24th November 1991
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Division 5 Match at Hazelwood Sports Ground
This was the match famous for the worst own goal ever ! (When instead of catching a harmless through ball, ‘goalkeeper’ Paul Rebairo volleyed it into Gary Southam’s chest and into the net from inside the 6 yard box, leaving New Riverside’s players all rolling around on the floor laughing). Rebairo had actually come on as a substitute keeper for Steve Lewis after only 12 minutes as Lewis had 'feigned injury' on his debut after numerous bad fumbles due to 'nerves' ! New Riverside were a poor side but could easily have won 10-0 and we only escaped because they were mucking about and laughing at how bad we were. Terry Clark got another 4 out of 10 and virtually everybody else (including Conor Mc,Govern and Russell Beeden) a 5.

3rd	EDMONTON ROVERS	2	ARNOS ATHLETIC	6	29th November 1998
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Roy Bailey Challenge Cup Second Round Match at Hazelwood Sports Ground
Arnos Athletic were three Divisions below us at the time, and although they had a 100% record in Division 5 and we had Gary Southam having to play in goal, we still had a really strong side out with the likes of Glen Southam, Neil Tilley and Carlo Casali all playing. However, this was at the height of our 'Polo Club' days when our players rarely treated their football seriously and too many of them turned up late and really pissed and 'couldn't be bothered because this was a Cup that Premier Division teams enter...so we would have no chance of winning it anyway' ! Arnos therefore took advantage of that and could easily have scored 10. Gary Southam let in a silly one through his hands from a clearance from the half-way line for one of their goals. Their supporters were all laughing at us on the touchline. Really embarrassing !

4th	BULLSMOOR CELTIC	8	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	6th October 1991
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Division 5 Match at Enfield Playing Fields
This was the ‘infamous’ match when Steve Beasley turned up late (after a night down the Polo Club ?) and deliberately hid behind a tree to avoid having to play after realising we only had 10 men and were losing heavily to a very average side. Most players were awarded only 5 out of 10 with Stafford Dyer scoring an own goal on his 100th appearance for the club !

5th	EDMONTON ROVERS	1	LODGE (WARE)	8	8th April 1990
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Division 4 Match at Enfield Playing Fields
Lodge (Ware) won the Division by a 'mile' and were far too good for us, even though we fielded a supposedly strong side which included most of the players who had won Division Two in the Haringey League only two seasons earlier. However, John Radley had a nightmare in goal and let in 'loads of silly ones' while Dave Ashton (weighing around 20 stone) and John Dyer spent most of the match trying to clatter their opponents rather than play football. Ashton actually retired in embarrassment after this match and it was the beginning of the end for most of our 'Greats' from the 80's, who were out of their depth in this League.

6th	LODGE (WARE)	6	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	19th November 1989
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Division 4 Match at Presdales, Ware
This was in the same season as the above match, but we had made a good start and were actually top of the table going into this game. Again, we fielded a full-strength side but were really confident this time. However, Lodge (Ware)'s forward Ian 'Buster' Brooks (a Ryman League player) tore us apart and made our defenders look like the carthorses they were ! Most of our players end up getting a 5 out of 10 and Julien Nurse got himself sent off for dissent towards the end. Another really embarrassing performance.

7th	EDMONTON ROVERS	2	ADDISON	8	29th December 1991
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Division 5 Match at Hazelwood Sports Ground
This was the week after we had just won our first game for about a year (thanks to the arrival of ‘Willie’ Platt on the scene) and we were therefore really looking forward to our next match and fielded a strong side. Addison were only a mid-table side but virtually all of our players had a nightmare and got 5 out of 10. Kevin Smith & Mark Bascombe both scored hat-tricks for Addison. (Both later played for us !). This was actually ‘Willie’s worst ever defeat in a competitive game of football !

8th	CROYDON IRISH	9	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	19th January 1997
London F.A. Sunday Intermediate Cup 4th Round at Selsdon High School, Croydon
We could only field a bare eleven for this match due to some feeble excuses, while some of our players deliberately got themselves as pissed as possible the night before so that they had an excuse for not having to drive all the way to Croydon. Some of them still played in this match though and just kept falling over or playing the ball straight to their opponents, even though the pitch was like a bowling green ! We actually fielded eleven good players but we really embarrassed ourselves against a team full of Ryman League players. Their Secretary later wrote to us (to get a copy of the video) and said 'Well played. Your lads never gave up or stopped trying' !!! (He must have been watching a different match then !)

9th	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	SCOTLAND GREEN	7	3rd April 1994
London F.A. Sunday Junior Cup Semi-Final at Hazelwood Sports Ground
Scotland Green were top of the Haringey League Premier Division at the time, but we thought we had a good team and could beat them to reach the Final. However, Scotland Green’s former Spurs Reserve Team regular Steve Carney ran the game and their other experienced players were too good for us. We ‘bottled it’ because our players were too young and inexperienced for the occasion. (Aaron Dart and James Dyer were the only players in our line-up over the age of 23).

10th	EDMONTON ROVERS	1	CUFFLEY	5	16th December 1990
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Division 4 Match at Hazelwood Sports Ground
Cuffley fielded virtually a full team of players from their Saturday side (who were the top team in the Herts Senior County League at the time) and had far better technique and ability than the players we fielded in this match. We fielded our normal side but were totally outplayed and Cuffley could easily have had double figures. Most of our players were given only 5 out of 10 for really bad control and passing. Aaron Dart and Demitrius Nurse had real nightmares in defence and kept blaming each other for their mistakes (which led to most of Cuffley’s goals).

11th	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	CASTLE UNITED	3	6th March 1994
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Intermediate Cup Semi-Final at St. Margaretsbury F.C.
Castle United were a good side and the favourites to win, but as it was a Semi-Final we were expecting to show a bit of passion and commitment and give them a good game. However, we didn’t manage a single worthwhile shot in the whole match and failed to string any sort of passing movement together whatsoever. Our players were really nervous because they had never played in a Semi-Final before and were too inexperienced. (There was a big crowd of 83, official linesmen were appointed, and the pitch was roped off and like a bowling green, but our players just froze on the day). Really disappointing.

12th	BROXBOURNE RANGERS (Old Boys)	1	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	6th September 1998
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Division 2 Match at Pound Close, Hoddesdon
Broxbourne Rangers took a 1-0 lead in the 67th minute but then had three players sent off for dissent by Referee Darren Deadman (now a Football League official !) and only had 8 men for the last 15 minutes of this match, yet we still lost !! Our players were really unfit because ‘nobody’ had been turning up to pre-season training, while everybody started getting really greedy instead of passing the ball and using the three extra men. 17-year-old Lexton Harrison had a nightmare in attack and kept losing his mind, while even the Dorward brothers and Russell Beeden were only a 5 out of 10. Our players all constantly argued with each other throughout the match because of frustration.

13th	ST. MARGARETSBURY	7	EDMONTON ROVERS	2	28th November 1999
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Division 2 Match at St. Margaretsbury F.C.
This game saw us produce arguably our worst-ever 45 minutes in a match as we found ourselves 6-1 down at Half-Time thanks to Stuart Dorward's girlfriend's All-Night Birthday Party the night before ! Virtually all of our players in this match came straight to the venue from that without getting any sleep and Steve Beasley had a real nightmare at left-back as he just stood around in a daze and let St.Margaretsbury's Senior Saturday League players continually 'ping' 50-yard long balls over his head for forwards to run on and score...albeit thanks to an equally pissed Stavros Elia making some real howlers in goal as well. Gary Southam also had a 'mare' and had to be hauled off at Half-Time after doing several John Cleese Silly Walks impersonations from long drop kicks by the St.Margaretsbury keeper to let forwards get a shot in, but once Manager Trevor Hughes made substitutions at Half-Time, we actually played much better and drew the Second Half 1-1.

14th	ASTRAL UNITED	4	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	1st December 2002
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Senior Cup Second Round Match at Town Mead, Waltham Abbey
We fielded a really strong squad of 14 for this match and were expecting to win fairly comfortably as we were in the Premier Division and Astral were only a mid-table Division One side. However, we made two major tactical mistakes in playing a 4-5-1 formation without a midfield holding player and also in trying to pass the ball about on the ground on an unplayable quagmire pitch. Astral then just sat back and defended and hit us on the break as hardly any of our players 'used their brains'. We had a major inquest after this performance, especially on the Forum, and after that we played a midfield holding player for the rest of the season and never looked back...going 13 games unbeaten and finishing third in the Premier Division.

15th	EDMONTON ROVERS	0	LARSENS	4	13th February 2000
Mercury Waltham Sunday League Intermediate Cup Quarter-Final at Hazelwood Sports Ground
Both teams were in Division Two where we had drawn 5-5 and won 5-2 in our League matches against Larsens while fielding a similar side to that which we put out for this match. We were in mid-table and Larsens were bottom, but everybody played really badly on a dreadfully churned up pitch and Larsens deserved to win by such a scoreline. Kevin Dedman walked out on the club in disgust after this match as he knew most of Larsens' players.