Tour

A REVIEW OF OUR CLUB TOUR TO PRAGUE, CZECH REPUBLIC
Friday 25th May 2001 - Monday 28th May 2001

The eventual FINAL TOUR PARTY was as follows:
Regular Players (9): Stavros Elia (GK), Tony Speller, Stuart Dorward, Dave Dietman, Steve Beasley, Paul Rebairo, Lee Osborn, Paul Ellerker, Derek Dorward.
Others ( 9): Laurence Hughes (Cameraman), Trevor Hughes (Manager), Russell Beeden (Injured Player), Marco Ellerker (Injured Player), Kevin Young (Injured Spectator), 'Muzza' (ill Spectator), Mark Howley (Half-Injured Former Rovers player) and Adam Youens (Unfit former Percival Reserves player).
Dave Russell ( Percival First-Team player) was a last-minute replacement for 'Mick from On Broadway', who had to drop out when he suddenly realised that England v. Mexico was being shown Live on Sky on the Friday evening. (Apparently the 'Classical Music-loving' (or Irish ?) residents complained about the singing coming from the Pub the last time an England match was shown on the big screens in there, so Mick has to be there to sort out any problems).

Friday Morning An arrangement to meet at On Broadway at 4.15.a.m. for a 4.30.a.m. coach departure (see picture right) to Stansted Airport was always likely to result in the Dorwards being the last to arrive, despite Stuart actually being the Tour Organiser, and sure enough they both turned up at 5.15.a.m. (an hour late) to face the wrath of a very irate coach driver, who was just about to leave without them ! As Stuart had the plane tickets, we really would have been stuck then wouldn't we !! However, we made it to Stansted in good time as the flight was delayed by nearly an hour anyway due to the sheer amount of people queuing at the terminal to 'get away from it all' for the Bank Holiday Weekend. In fact the flight only took 1½ hours instead of the 2½ quoted by the Tour Company, so we were in Prague by 12 noon (Central European Time).

Friday Afternoon We were taken by coach from Prague Airport by a Czech driver to meet our Tour Company Rep, an elderly short, fat sunburnt individual by the name of Jimmy ~~Mup~~ Musk (see picture right). Although he meant well and was very helpful, he was another Shaun O'Neill (our former goalkeeper) in terms of 'bullshitting' and we had to put up with a number of 'tall stories' from him during the weekend. At least he had a London accent though.

We then had another 'tall storey' in the shape of our accommodation, the Hotel Krystal, which was 16 storeys high and reminded us of Edmonton Green from the outside surroundings, especially when we saw some locals rummaging through the rubbish bins for scraps ! At least it was 'half-decent' inside though...in fact the rooms were all carpeted and spacious and were the best we have ever had on tour, although the lack of air conditioning was to be expected. We were all on the 14th Floor, which wasn't great for those of us who were a bit scared of heights when peering over the balconies (see picture below right).

Not 'Muzza' though, who promptly went and sat on the edge of his balcony safety rail ! We shared two to a room, so that was better than previous tours where as many as five have been packed into one room, although if you were unlucky enough to share with a chronic snorer it wasn't much fun ! (Russell Beeden & Trevor Hughes were two of the biggest culprits and there

may have been others, but everyone ended up getting so pissed they probably slept through it and didn't notice !?).
After settling in to our rooms, we were then taken by coach to the Pod Loubin Pub a mile or so away for a 'Welcome to Prague Lunch' (see pictures left, right & below), which included some excellent 'grub', loads of free beer and a delicacy called 'Czech Muffsky da Table Topz' (if you get my drift), which some of the Tour Party sampled more than others...and the whole lot was free of charge, much to our surprise.
After that, it was time for 'Jimmy' to show us how to get to the City Centre by Tube,

but we all forgot what he said after we stepped off the train and just relied on cabs for the rest of the Tour. That was probably because we were a bit awe-struck when we got into the City as it was amazingly like the

centre of London on a typical Summer weekday afternoon (e.g. expensive cars, beautiful rich-looking women, high-tech businesses, etc.), but with far more picturesque surroundings. We then spent the next few hours sitting around drinking and 'sampling the sights' in what was perfect weather (warm & sunny) before getting our first experience of Prague cab driving as we headed back to the Hotel (which was actually a good 20-minute drive away). On average we ended up being charged the same sort of amounts that we would be back home, so we were obviously being 'ripped off', but as none of us could speak any Czech we just put up with it, especially as we were already saving money because the beer was so cheap (about 30p a pint !).

Friday Evening After a couple of hours rest at the Hotel, we headed back to the City Centre to watch the England v. Mexico match in 'Legends' (an English Sportsbar). With England winning 4-0 and playing well, this turned out to be one of the highlights of the Tour as there was a brilliant atmosphere in there with ourselves and Spartan South Midlands League club New Bradwell St. Peter (from Milton Keynes) leading the singing with not a hint of any trouble from anyone. Unfortunately though, most of our players got so 'wrecked' drinking in there that further attempts to prolong the evening elsewhere rather spluttered to a halt at around 2.00.a.m. with Steve Beasley and Paul Rebairo having the most trouble standing upright !

Saturday Morning With most of the Tour Party having a relatively early night, they were able to sample the breakfast on offer at the Hotel and were soon wishing they hadn't as the bread was stale and the fruit juice was 'piss' (i.e. heavily diluted). Some people then went out to get a MacDonalds instead ! (Maybe the Russell Beeden Diet Book IS correct !?).
It was then on to the village of Kacice (a 45-minute journey by coach) at mid-day for the Four-Team Tournament we had been entered in. It was interesting to see that they had the trophies on display for us when we arrived though (see picture right).

Saturday Afternoon Click on the link at the top of this page for details of the Tournament.

Saturday Evening When the Tournament finished (with us Trophy-less of course), it was time for the post-Tournament 'festivities' to begin. This included sampling the traditional Czech 'Hog Roast', which was very tasty but very juicy and therefore it was not a good idea to serve it on a piece of flat card (see picture left) as the juice just ran straight off onto peoples trousers as they tried to eat their slices. Unfortunately, the juice on my card dropped onto just the wrong place on my trousers, much to the amusement of about 400 people ! (Very embarrassing !).

Thankfully though, everyone's attention was soon diverted to the usual 'Pint Down In One' Beer Drinking Competition (see picture right), in which we had a lousy time until Kevin 'Stumpy' Young was persuaded to enter the fray to take on the 'local champion' who had apparently never lost to anyone and was built like a brick s**thouse. Needless to say, 'Stumpy' beat him fairly and squarely to much acclaim from not just us, but all the English people present as the locals stood there rather speechless ! Perhaps even more amazing though was the bill of just £24 for about 200 pints of beer and a load of sausages ! (The 'Hog Roast' was free).
That put everyone in the right mood to go 'clubbing' back in the City Centre later on in the evening with the first stop being a trendy-looking club called Karlovy Lazne. Unfortunately though, everyone ignored my Internet print-out which described this place as a hang-out for students aged between 16-22 and we all looked a bit out of place in the 'Hardcore/Techno/Future House' room ! One of the other rooms did have a Karaoke session going on though and that kept us occupied for an hour or so before we all decided to move on. There was then a difference of opinion as to where to go next though, so we split into two groups with one ending up at a nearby club called Letna and the others finding a club called Mecca, which was out in the suburbs with a bit of a long cab journey. Although Mecca provided a few laughs (most notably Dave Dietman's misguided attempt to gatecrash a live on-stage performance by a 'paid-for' Breakdancing Troupe because he thought they were just clubbers on the dancefloor !?), it was a bit disappointing on the whole and everyone who went there ended up back at the Hotel and going to bed at 2.00.a.m. !
The group who went to Letna though (which included Laurence & Trevor Hughes !) had a great time and ended up leaving the club in broad daylight at 7.00.a.m. the following morning ! This club was much more suited to a Touring English Football Team as the main floor played 'Current Commercial Disco/House/Dance Party Music' (i.e. the sort of stuff you might hear in Tenerife or Majorca), while downstairs in the basement there was a D.J. playing 'Cheesy Mobile Disco Music' to a small crowd of about 30 or 40 locals in their mid/late 20's. This was to be the most popular 'hangout' of the two floors for us with tunes such as 'Grease Megamix', Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' and a bizarre Czech version of 'Agadoo' all unfortunately sticking in the memory !...We must have been well pissed to dance to that lot !
The strangest thing about the Czechs in this club though was that the girls were all with their partners, but they were being 'allowed' to get up and dance with us without any sort of hint of 'Ere Mate, You've Nicked My Bird' comment followed by a broken beer glass being rammed in the face (as would happen in London) ! Presumably their blokes realised that none of us were a 'threat' as we didn't speak any Czech and they didn't speak any English ?!

Sunday Morning Not surprisingly the group who went to Letna slept until mid-day (much to the envy of those who chose to go to Mecca), but everyone had the chance of an unexpected sleep anyway as the proposed 90-minute Friendly match for Sunday had to be called off because Stavros Elia was limping about with an ankle injury and one or two others were in no fit state to play (something which 'Jimmy' the Tour Rep sensibly anticipated !).

Sunday Afternoon This was spent having a long walk past some boring-looking housing estates in the City initially (much to Stavros Elia's discomfort) trying to find a moored riverboat which Lee Osborn had used for his Stag Night a few years ago. We eventually found it after an hour or so though and spent a couple of hours on there having a few quiet drinks with nobody else on board or even walking past the boat...not exactly what we were intending, but perhaps the windy, cloudy rain-threatening weather didn't help.

Sunday Evening We then went on to a Pizza Hut for 'Dinner' before splitting up into two groups again with one half (mainly those who went to Letna the night before) deciding to sit down in the Old Square to have another drink and do some bird-watching with the 20 x Zoom on the camera ! However, there weren't many about of the feathered variety and the only pigeon we saw all weekend was a dead one, so we filmed ones without feathers instead. In the end though, our drinks had to be left half-finished on the table after an hour of 'trying' as we had all had so much that even hardened drinkers such as Steve Beasley and Derek Dorward couldn't take any more ! We then decided to get cabs back to the Hotel at just 9.00.p.m., but found ourselves paying even more this time (because it was a Sunday) and all for the privilege of being taken home by two drivers who had obviously had lessons at the Gary Southam School of Motoring (Czech Branch) as they weaved in and out of the traffic on wet cobblestoned streets at 80 m.p.h. in a race to see who could reach the Hotel Krystal in 10 minutes instead of the usual 20 !
In the meantime the other group had decided to go to Letna to sample what they had missed the night before, but as Monday was not a Bank Holiday in the Czech Republic the club was almost deserted with only a group of 10 Hells Angels from Finland and three Czech couples in there ! Needless to say, most of them ended up back at the Hotel and in bed by 2.00.p.m., which was just as well with everyone having to get up at 7.30.a.m. for the flight home.

Monday Morning We had a safe journey home (apart from Adam Youens who was briefly held up at Prague Airport because Stuart Dorward had spelt his name as 'Ewings' when booking the plane tickets and of course this was rather confusing for the Czech authorities who were comparing it to his passport !). However, the problem was resolved and we arrived back at On Broadway at 2.00.p.m. to be greeted by an envious John Beasley (see picture right), who was then informed in detail of how this Tour had been 'The best in Rovers History so far' (although of course it was mainly the players who had only been on the Isle of Wight Tour in 1996 who were saying that). It was certainly up there with the best of them from the early-90's though and we would certainly recommend Prague to any other clubs who may be thinking of going there after reading this website !

Next Tour Destination ? ....Krakow (Poland) 2002 ?